Tired Mommy Tales

Dear Grandpa,

It’s been two years since you’ve left us. I wasn’t prepared for it at the time. You always battled back from whatever evil tried to take you down. I guess I was naive to think you could pull that off forever.  I don’t know how much Brooke will remember but I’m so SO glad that she was there to see you one last time.  The smile on your face when she came into your room is a memory I will treasure forever.

I will tell her about that day as she grows up and how even as your time with us was coming to an end, your family could bring you such joy.  I try to share as much of you as I can with her. “My grandpa liked *this*.” “I used to do *this* with my grandpa.”

You already know this but you’re still with me all the time. The man across the street reminds me of you. I see him mowing his lawn and he wears clothes very similar to yours, has a build similar to yours, even wears the same style ball cap. When I see him I smile and I tear up. How the sight of a stranger can make you so happy and so sad at the same time, I’ll never understand.

I sometimes wonder what you would think about decisions I’ve made or what I’m doing. I think you’d be proud. I have a great marriage, a wonderful little girl, I’m taking charge of areas in my life that were faltering…I’m happy, really happy, and I feel that’s all you ever really wanted for us.

I miss you and tonight in honor of you, I drank an honorary bottle of Redpop. I hope you’re having some too. And maybe some peanuts…and all the other foods you weren’t supposed to have.  We all knew you ate them anyway!!

Until we meet again,
See-rah

I was very grateful for Wordless Wednesday this week.  I wanted to share that picture of my Daddy and my little girl in Grandpa’s Gun Room.  I just didn’t want to talk about it…didn’t want to put words to it.

But I don’t know that I could come back here and not mention it.

I lost my Grandpa last week.  To those who didn’t know him, I mean really know, you would have thought he was just a mean ‘ol man who had a tendency to say non-PC things.  But if you were lucky enough to be family or friend, you would have known he was a loving husband, father, grandfather and great-grandfather.  His service in the Army during World War II was a very important part of him.  He loved the outdoors and I think it chipped at a little piece of all of us when he was no longer physically able make his annual hunting trips to Wyoming.

I’m sure all of us grandkids spent time with Grandpa in the Gun Room at one time or another.  I remember carefully weighing ammo while I helped him fill shells.  We have pictures of my youngest sister Jacqie making him “ice cream sundaes” out of tools she came across in there.  So when Brooke joined Daddy in the Gun Room after Grandpa’s funeral, my heart melted.  At first I was preoccupied with keeping her from touching anything.  That was Grandpa’s shrine and I didn’t want to be responsible for harming it in any way. 

When Daddy said “I got her” it was my cue to take a step back and let the new generation of Grandpa and Granddaughter take over.  I left the room, holding back tears.  Luckily, Jacqie went back and took pictures of their fun.

Coming back to Texas has been hard.  Saying good-bye to our families is always hard but this time it just hurt.  I feel like I left my heart in Michigan.